The past week I’ve spent all my time thinking about how blessed I was to have such a beautiful baby boy and realizing I wouldnt have it any other way. After having my baby I moped around for a long long LONG time due to the fact that my body is filled with stretch marks, my stomach looks stretchy and disgusting and how I can tuck my boobs into my jeans (yes im exaggerating calm down). I’ve finally looked past all that (yes it took me 10 whole months, im slow ok?) and realize the only thing that matters now is my son, his needs and wants because if I do a good job with him he’ll reward me when he’s older by buying a big house and nice car LOL im kidding……..
I was busy playing mario bros on my dsi when I realized that Ryan went silent so I set out to find him. While I was walking towards the living room he comes racing out like baby tarzan with brown stuff smeared all over his mouth. My first instincts were POO!! and I freaked out like any mother should but as I got closer I could smell the yummy sweet smell of chocolate, mini sized tootsie rolls to be exact. He had found the box of mini toostie rolls under the living room table and had himself a little treat while noone was watching, sneaky little boy, I’ve got myself a little Stewie Griffin dontcha think?
*you must show me your ID to be able to continue reading*
I’m not a guy but I’m pretty sure I know how to pick up chicks or how to talk to at least talk to a girl respectfully.
Two weeks ago I met someone that totally traumatized me for life.
I was at a vietnamese karoke place and if you guys don’t know vietnamese karoke is just one big room that everyone shares unlike chinese/korean where you get your own room. So we were there on a normal day minding our own buisness until these 3 guys came in that happened to be a friend of a friend of my friend (wow confusing eh?). This one dude kept coming back to our table and at first he was normal (because he was sober) and then it started getting ridiculously annoying.
Aparently he went up to my friend and asked questions like this..
“Do you know any hoes I can fuck?”
“Do you know any hoes I can pee on?”
Wow, who the fuck talks like that? What are you R. Kelly?!?!?!
Oh but it gets better this guy comes up to me (im totally drunk btw) and says..
“I wanna take you home so you can suck my big cock”
“I have a big penis for an asian guy”
You were lucky I was too drunk to even say something or slap you in the face but heres a little letter to you ..
Dear disgusting fucker,
No I will never go home with you because you probably have a small penis and if I ever do see you again I will kick you there. Do you have parents? I’m guessing you were raised by a pimp and a hooker? Heres a little advice don’t disrespect women like that because one day you might just end up dead on the side of the street oh and don’t forget to pick up a book on manners 101. Btw if I end up going crazy or needing to take serious happy pills im hunting you down and you my friend will be paying for my medical bills, then I will run you over with my car.
I know I KNOW.. I bet y’all been wondering, where have you been!?!?! Did you die?!?!?! No I haven’t, I just havent had the time to blog lately because its SUMMERTIME. Who wants to sit on a computer all day right? Plus I’ve had a lot of shit going on in my life =(.
Anyway, guess what? My son is having his one year birthday party soon! (his birthday is on aug 10th) I’m sooo excited! Most likely going to be having a barbeque and inviting all his my friends (he doesn’t really have any).
Hopefully by then he’ll learn how to walk and maybe even say his first words? (I hope your listening man upstairs!)
Right now Ryan is ten months and eleven days old, he’s learned some awesome new tricks. When you say no no no he will shake his head ON CUE and when you say hoan ho (it’s a word in vietnamese that basically means applaud or something like that) he will clap! I’ll make a video of this and show you guys when I’m not feeling lazy.
It seems like just yesterday he came out of my va jay jay, pretty soon he’s going to be a teenager and cutting me out of his life because you know.. that’s what teenagers do.
*STAY TUNED FOR AN UPCOMING POST ON HOW I MET THE MOST DISGUSTING GUY ALIVE*
